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Chrismukkah, Our New Favorite Holiday!

Last holiday season Tom and I got each other a ‘Mensch on a Bench’, and an ‘Elf on a Shelf’. Raising kids in an interfaith home requires balance, right? This year, as Christmas and Hanukkah align, we present to you, our new friends Danny and Arnold in:

[fanfare music] Dum-da-da-DA!

ELF-AND-A-MENSCH: A Chrismukkah Tradition

(Cue Robbie Williams & Brad Paisley, “It’s a collision of wo-orlds…”)

Let the countdown begin!

31 days: Interfaith Homes & Underwear Gnomes

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30 Days: Tell me if you heard this one – a Mensch and an Elf walk into a bar…

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29 Days: It’s beginning to look a lot like Chris-moose-kah!

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28 Days: ho, ho…oy?

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27 Days: “May the Schwartz be with you.” -Mel Brooks

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26 Days: Celebrity Cook-Off – Gingerbread Boss vs. Ace of Potato Pancakes

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25 Days: Candle Canes!

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24 Days: Merry Chris-STEM-Kah, Lego My Lights

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23 Days: Do You Want To Build A Snow Mensch?

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22 Days: Mele Kalik Ha-NA-Kah’s the Hawaiian Way, to Say Merry Chrismukkah…

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21 Days: Do You Sia What I Sia?

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20 Days: Super-Mensch!
“Easy, miss, I’ve got you.”
“You’ve got me…who’s got YOU?!?!”

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 19 Days: Go Elf Yourself

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18 Days: Deck the Dog With Lights and Garlands

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17 Days: Mensch-stache!

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16 Days: Luck Be A Dreidel Tonight

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15 Days: You’re Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas…

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14 Days: (sung to the tune of Black Sabbath’s Iron Man) Leave him latkes and wine; he’ll come back to your house first next time.

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13 Days: Winter X Games – Chrismukkah Downhill

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Stay tuned, a dozen more days to go!

My Latest Pinterest Fail: Sorry Sesame Street! Really…

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On the one hand, Children’s Television Workshop called and asked me to stop; their puppets were experiencing stabbing pains reminiscent of those imposed by voodoo doll.

On the other hand, even the one year old exclaimed “Elmo!” upon seeing my masterpieces.

Let’s just say I’ll never be a pinterest mom…

DUMB-ASS CHILDREN’S PRODUCTS, PART III: Look, Kids! Big, Big Dick!

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So I’m at the pediatrician’s office on Friday, reading aloud to the boys from the book the 3 year old found in the rack…I was just going to throw this picture up on Facebook and leave it at that, but I couldn’t choose a caption.

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Here are some thoughts on this literary jewel, in no particular order:

1. Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! On SO many levels.

2. Anyone still wondering why Dick and Jane seem to have lost their popularity? I would think it might be hard to sell a book that a parent couldn’t read to their child. At least, not with a straight face. Followed by a BS explanation as to why mommy is alternately snorting and clutching her gut.

3. Is this the way the doctor’s office staff entertains itself? “Hey guys, come here, quick! She’s just about to get to the good part…” snicker, snicker.

4. The authors – really? That had to be intentional, right? Could someone have written this unknowingly? It’s not like the meaning came about recently.

dick (n.) Look up dick at Dictionary.com“fellow, lad, man,” 1550s, rhyming nickname for Rick, short for Richard, one of the commonest English names, it has long been a synonym for “fellow,” and so most of the slang senses are probably very old, but naturally hard to find in the surviving records. The meaning “penis” is attested from 1891 in Farmer’s slang dictionary (possibly British army slang). Meaning “detective” is recorded from 1908, perhaps as a shortened variant of detective.

5. The editor –  yes, I know the book is about a guy named “Dick”, ha ha, and I know the little ones won’t ‘get’ it. But c’mon, buddy, you have to draw the line somewhere. A ‘big, big” line, in some cases. Though generally not on a big, big…forget it…

6. I was having lunch with the family today, and I was thinking about what I wanted to write about this, and apparently I had a weird expression on my face, because my husband looked at me and said, “What?” And I wasn’t sure what to say, because I could hardly tell him, “Oh nothing, honey, I was just thinking about ‘big big dick.'”
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I know, it’s just too easy, right? So, go at it in the comments below…

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Dumb-Ass Children’s Products, Part I: Have a Heart, Thomas

DUMB-ASS CHILDREN’S PRODUCTS, Part II: WTF, Fisher-Price?