Category Archives: Pregnancy
The week started with an out-smart-ass contest between me and a three-year-old, when on Sunday, AJ alleviated any doubts of his maternity by showcasing his wise-ass tendencies. We had a slight disagreement over the location of his upcoming nap. He wanted to nap in his house. I told him, “Fine, if you can find a bed to sleep in, go ahead and nap in your house.” And, voila…
While he took his “nap”, I helped my husband get 750 pounds of play sand from Lowe’s to our back yard. And when I say ‘helped’, I mean ‘spread the blanket to protect the trunk and sat in the passenger seat as we drove it home’. I also discovered that when you’re talking play sand, I weigh about 3 sacks, give or take a half’a’sack.
On Monday morning, I made an amazing discovery. Ya know what’s awesome? Coffee with leftover vanilla frosting from the cookies we made for the firemen last week. Hypothetically. Because that’s just gross. Dibs on the new creamer patent.
I hopped on the Monday Listicles bandwagon (courtesy of The good life) with my entry, Top 10 Ways This Mom Spends 30 Minutes…At Least Today… and shared examples such as
3. Locating a fork so that I can eat my lunch after the 3-year-old helped me empty the dishwasher.
9. Lint-rolling the baby in the parking lot before his doctor appointment so that they don’t call Social Services on the suspicion that he’s been living with the black lab in the dog crate since his last visit.
Later, I had a conversation with AJ and the hubby that quickly devolved…
Me: I’m wagging my tail
AJ: You no have tail!
Me: I don’t? Where’d it go?
AJ: It gone!
AJ: Mommy, this is my doggy box.
Me: Yeah! Your doggy jack-in-the-box!
AJ: No, mommy, Jack not in there! Doggy in there.
On Wednesday, I recounted the events of Monday…yes, it takes me two days to write 500 words…with two kids under three, yada yada yada…and published the a post called Eating Crap for a Healthy Immune System. Literally. Part of it is as gross as it sounds. Here are the basics:
On Thursday, I emailed my cousin to wish him a happy birthday. I told him
Happy birthday. May all your wishes and dreams come true. Eventually. But not too soon, because then what will you do with your time…?
Then I joined bloglovin’, and you can follow me by clicking here…
…and I celebrated with a cone at an awesome local place called the Ice Cream Machine. We spent enough on 2 cones to buy 4 containers of Edie’s at the grocery store, but when I talked to my taste buds later, they reported it was definitely worth it.
On Friday, I got a lovely surprise – dramafreemama bestowed upon me the “Very Inspiring Blogger Award“, which I then passed on to some nominees of my own. In the course of doing so, I revealed how I am a moon of Uranus (<-true fact) and you can read about it in Oh Crap, I Inspired Someone.
Here are my nominees, check out their pages for some Very Inspiring reads:
- Adventures of NinjaMama
- Another Piece of Cake
- Attracted to Shiny Things
- ComfyTown Chronicles
- Dysfunction Junction
- Little Bird’s Dad
- Mommy Man
- Mommy, For Real
- My Life As Lucille
- Old Dog New Tits
- Sometimes I Sleep
- The Honest Mommy
- YOU ARE A GOOD MAMA
- You’re My Favorite Today
Only those accepting their nominations were invited to partake in the eating of Twink-henge…
That night, I went to an adult tupperware party, except there was no tupperware and there were sex toys. In my first “Live Tweet” event since joining Twitter, I shared some of the more memorable quotes of the evening under the hashtag “#18+tupperwareparty”. Here are some personal favorites, starting with the one about things you suck on before you suck on…the thing…. Pre-Johnson lollipops, folks. Yes, you read that right. Who knew it was even a thing?
And since I really don’t want to try to top Cootchie Cream…how was your week?
Well, the week started out slow. We had a pretty uneventful, but still fun, Easter Sunday with my husband’s family. I think my mistake was warning the guests that anything they said while in our house was potential blog-fodder. Next time, instead of a warning, spiked drinks.
I know I posted these photos already, but…so what. My blog, my cute bunnies.
On Monday, I played around on my new toy, Twitter (follow me @TheirWorldWLI) ignoring my wonderful, loyal, please don’t abandon me Facebook fans. It’s like having a second child. Facebook could hold its own for a little while while I babied Twitter.
But I didn’t ignore the eldest child completely. Here are some posts people liked from Monday:
- Baby crying
- Toddler whining
- Dog dropping tennis ball in my crotch, over and over and over
Some recent posts have prompted me to propose the following new Facebook buttons, next to the ‘Like’ Button:
-The ‘What the hell are you talking about?’ button
-The ‘Are you on drugs?’ button
-The ‘Go drink some coffee and come back when you’re awake’ button
I think part of my problem with doing laundry is that the machine is so big that the loads are overwhelming. So now I only put in two or three items per load. Today I did EIGHT LOADS of laundry! (See, it even *sounds* better that way.)
On Tuesday, I stirred the pot a little by mentioning a news story about the town of Nelson, Georgia, which just passed a mandatory gun ownership law. I know, right? But feel free to share in the comments below…
I also came across this toy fail, although it might just be a question of the target demographic. Just add “Not intended for use by children” to the label…
Wednesday brought another stellar parenting moment – me relying on my toddler for information:
Me, while driving: AJ, is your brother asleep or awake?
Me: Are his eyes open or closed?
Why do I even ask?
Then, just to keep it interesting, I made my private business everyone else’s business in a post called I…U…Dammit! Some Minor Speedbumps on the Road to My Crotch (Part 1). I got a surprising amount of feedback on that one. I guess lots of people wonder what they should put in their crotch…
But Wednesday was pretty hectic, and by the afternoon, after lack-of-nap-time, I had the full trifecta going on:
So I tossed the tennis ball through the door to the kitchen and quickly shut it. Then the dog stared soulfully at me with his big puppy dog eyes through the French doors and I felt like an total asshole. Gave him a bunch of treats later to assuage the guilt. He is the first born, after all.
In the middle of all that, I tried to fold some laundry…The first mistake was letting the toddler see the brand new dump truck jammies. The second mistake was putting them in the middle of a pile of newly folded laundry and leaving the room. Need I even tell you how that ended?
Next thing you know, I was changing a diaper, when I received definitive proof that enough butternut squash will indeed cause your 8-month-old to poop orange.
But the day ended on a good note – Karen of BakingInATornado.com honored me with the Beautiful Mama Blog Award, which is a huge compliment, considering the source. She is a many-many-many times awarded blogger, and definitely worth the read. If you haven’t checked her out, please do so now; I will wait: http://www.bakinginatornado.com/
Thursday, I concluded the epic tale of my crotch, I…U…Dammit! Some Minor Speedbumps on the Road to My Crotch (Part 2), which examined the questions:
- Am I a cheap skank? and
- What would you prefer: 5 years of birth control, or 250 Cool Ranch Dorito Locos Tacos?
Once I had completed my internettings for the morning, I decided it would be really fun for the baby to get croup and need to go to the doctor’s. JC thought it was lots of fun, too. Can’t you tell?
Boy, does he love that nebulizer! Thank god for the cutesy fish face mask…that made the whole thing so much better…
I went for a drive on Friday, and I picked a new pet peeve (say that ten times, fast): any song on the radio that has stupid techno bits that make you check the rear view for flashing lights, repeatedly.
When I got home, I got a nice surprise. My piece on my grandparents and their triumph over just about the worse adversity anyone could ever face had been published on kveller.com. Don’t expect funny if you click that link. I do serious too, occasionally. This piece is about something I feel very strongly about, some inspirational people in my life, and who they are to me.
Later, I got a call from my mom. She was watching AJ, who she told me was having some tummy troubles. Great, now both kids were sick. I decided to henceforth refer to them as ‘Poopy’ and ‘Croupy’. Here’s ‘Croupy’ on his swing – my ‘Bundle This‘ works great on swings, too!
I ended the day with the discovery that someone had stumbled upon my blog when they searched Google for the term ‘george carlin flamethrower‘. I really couldn’t be more proud.
I was really looking forward to Saturday, until it arrived at approximately 5:30 AM. Of course, my response to that was to bitch and moan on the Facebook:
“I’d like to invent a coffee siphon. One end will be a tube you stick in the coffee pot in the kitchen. The other end will be a spigot coming out of my headboard.”
And then I proved this was necessary, but adding to my list of Dumb Shit I’ve Done As A Result of Sleep Deprivation. Took me 15-20 seconds to figure out what I was doing wrong here:
But the fun didn’t end there. while Croupy was napping, Poopy got a diaper change that ended in a toxic spill on the area rug. Pop quiz: what happens when you tell a toddler to stay away from a particular part of the room, for instance, a wet spot on a rug? The long answer is: Exactly the same thing that happened 2 hours later when we told him to stay away from the Loop-Loc pool cover. So after the second change of pants for the day…
I started working on a Blogroll last week, a list of blogs that I love and follow. Added a new one today, Motherhood, WTF? Here’s an Example of why I love her, just a quickie, but her posts are awesome, too:
The hubby and I had a disagreement around bedtime. We were gathering up the 304 stuffed animals AJ sleeps with, and I…I’m worried my child will grow up confused. It’s just that…well…my husband calls the toy a bison, and *I* call it a buffalo…
Later that night, ‘Croupy and Poopy’ became ‘Snotty and Pukey’. The baby was waking up with every cough and sneeze, and the toddler decided, belatedly, that he didn’t really want the noodles he ate at dinner after all. At least, not the ones he honked into a somewhat art deco display on his bed sheet at 11 PM.
I think it would suffice to say, the week went out with a bleeeeeaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh…
Remember about three years ago when everyone started FREAKING OUT about the swine flu? It was during my first trimester of my first pregnancy. There was no vaccine yet, and all people could talk about was how bad it was, especially for the immune compromised, which I learned includes pregnant people. Of course, as a first time preggo, even before the scare I wouldn’t go near someone who so much as sneezed. With the first pregnancy, it seems everything is magnified. Emotions, fears, stomach… And in this case, the media had EVERYONE terrified of this new form of the flu. So imagine what it was like when you are in the first trimester, the trimester that carries the greatest risk of miscarriage, with an immune system that wasn’t at its best and media hype about an epidemic that was being spread at the workplace.
I didn’t want to get in elevators or anywhere where people shared too much air. I didn’t want to touch co-workers’ computers, which was really tough, as I was a PC tech at the time. It was so bad that I was ready to take a hiatus from the workplace until the vaccine came out, which was impractical and unrealistic. So unsure of my options and terrified, I went to the head of HR and told him my dilemma.
He gave me a 6-pack of Purell and wished me luck.
What kind of helpful advice did you get when you were pregnant?