Category Archives: List

DUMB-ASS CHILDREN’S PRODUCTS, PART III: Look, Kids! Big, Big Dick!

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So I’m at the pediatrician’s office on Friday, reading aloud to the boys from the book the 3 year old found in the rack…I was just going to throw this picture up on Facebook and leave it at that, but I couldn’t choose a caption.

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Here are some thoughts on this literary jewel, in no particular order:

1. Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! On SO many levels.

2. Anyone still wondering why Dick and Jane seem to have lost their popularity? I would think it might be hard to sell a book that a parent couldn’t read to their child. At least, not with a straight face. Followed by a BS explanation as to why mommy is alternately snorting and clutching her gut.

3. Is this the way the doctor’s office staff entertains itself? “Hey guys, come here, quick! She’s just about to get to the good part…” snicker, snicker.

4. The authors – really? That had to be intentional, right? Could someone have written this unknowingly? It’s not like the meaning came about recently.

dick (n.) Look up dick at Dictionary.com“fellow, lad, man,” 1550s, rhyming nickname for Rick, short for Richard, one of the commonest English names, it has long been a synonym for “fellow,” and so most of the slang senses are probably very old, but naturally hard to find in the surviving records. The meaning “penis” is attested from 1891 in Farmer’s slang dictionary (possibly British army slang). Meaning “detective” is recorded from 1908, perhaps as a shortened variant of detective.

5. The editor –  yes, I know the book is about a guy named “Dick”, ha ha, and I know the little ones won’t ‘get’ it. But c’mon, buddy, you have to draw the line somewhere. A ‘big, big” line, in some cases. Though generally not on a big, big…forget it…

6. I was having lunch with the family today, and I was thinking about what I wanted to write about this, and apparently I had a weird expression on my face, because my husband looked at me and said, “What?” And I wasn’t sure what to say, because I could hardly tell him, “Oh nothing, honey, I was just thinking about ‘big big dick.'”
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I know, it’s just too easy, right? So, go at it in the comments below…

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Dumb-Ass Children’s Products, Part I: Have a Heart, Thomas

DUMB-ASS CHILDREN’S PRODUCTS, Part II: WTF, Fisher-Price?

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All This, At No Added Cost! (10 Things I Love That Cost Nothing)

10 Things I love that cost nothing

It’s Monday Listicles time again, and this should just make it in under the wire. Thanks to the good life for hosting! Check out more on her page .

This week’s topic: 10 Things I Love That Cost Nothing
My spin: The Early Parenting Years

1. Getting a phone call from my mom at 6:20 in the morning asking if I’m aware that the toddler has my iPad and is Skyping her. (I wasn’t…)

2. Catching the baby’s hand before he gets the dog’s drooly tennis ball in his mouth.

3. The sweet smell of the air in the room I’m in when the toddler insists that “Daddy change me!”

4. Collapsing in bed at 7:31 PM.

5. Sleeping past 6:01 AM.

6. Numbers 4 & 5 on consecutive days.

7. That the 3 teenage boys living next door are all finally in college so we have a few quiet nights in my house between their vacations.

8. The enchanting glow of the 400 LEDs in my bedroom (clock, cable box, other clock, stereo, phone, humidifier, etc.) that, sometimes, keeps my from tripping over the dog and baby toys when I get up to pee in the middle of the night.

9. Leftovers, and my gratefulness that everyone in my family eats them willingly.

10. These smiles:

Beautiful_Smiles

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Oh Crap, I Inspired Someone…

veryinspiringblogawardI’m not sure what kind of things I’m inspiring, hopefully it’s something like ‘blogging in the vernacular’ or ‘fewest unintentional typos’, but thank you dramafreemama, for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award! Despite the many mistakes I’ve made as a result of sleep deprivation, I’ve still managed to at least marginally inspire someone, and in this I take pride.

Wait – I know! It must have been writing about the myriad uses for colorful poop, or the dozen different poo-phemisms I shared in my post “My Baby Poops Rainbows. Like A Unicorn.” Then again…prob-ly not.

Joking aside, I appreciate the recognition. With so many wonderful bloggers out there, it’s always a great honor to be recognized by one’s peers, and I am thankful to dramafreemama for picking me.

Rules:

  1. Display logo on blog.  Ayup.
  2. Link back to the person you have so inspired. Done!
  3. Tell 7 things about yourself. Below.
  4. Nominate 15 other bloggers and link back to them. Thank you, WordPress, for not making me type out the HTML for all of those links.
  5. Perform 1 random act of kindness and include it in your post. This will be a change, writing about  something good I did versus something embarrassing or regretful…

7 Fascinating (read: mildly interesting) Things About Me:

  1. My name is a moon of Uranus. Seriously: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ariel_(moon). I just have a slightly better spelling. Then again, in Portuguese, it means “flying silver fish.”
  2. cherry_dip_coneI don’t like fast food. Except chocolate, cherry dipped cones at Dairy Queen. And Chicken McNuggets. And anything at Taco Bell. 10 of anything at Taco Bell. So I guess you could say I love fast food.
  3. One of my all-time favorite SNL skits is the one where Mike Myers is playing Mick Jagger, and the real Mick Jagger is sitting next to him playing Keith Richards, and Mike Myers is portraying Mick Jagger totally idiotically.  While sitting right next to Mick Jagger. You can’t say the guy doesn’t have a sense of humor. Or that Mike Myers doesn’t have balls.
  4. I’ve seen every episode of Buffy The Vampire Slayer, in consecutive order, and I can still remember most of the lyrics to most of the songs in the Buffy: The Musical – Once More With Feeling episode from season 6.
  5. I’d rather floss the cat than watch reality TV. And I don’t even have a cat. So first I’d have to conquer my fear of cats, then procure one, then floss it. That’s what I would rather do than watch a reality show.
  6. I’m a certified computer professional who types on a keyboard with a broken question mark, slash, down arrow and left arrow. Every time I want to type a question mark, I have to hold the “Fn” and “Alt” keys while typing “63”. (Isn’t that annoying???) Even though I’ve fixed a couple dozen of these for other people, with two kids under three keeping me busy, I ‘m too lazy to order a new keyboard and replace the broken one on my own laptop.
  7. I’ve figured out that, in order to make it big in the world of blogging, one has to have a truly distinctive quality or shtick.  Since I haven’t settled on anything yet, here are the choices I’m considering: growing my toenails like those long-ass fingernail people in the Guinness Book of World Records and wearing only open-toed shoes, then blogging about the reactions of strangers; iting-wray all-yay uture-fay log-bay osts-pay in-yay Ig-pay Atin-lay; only writing  about my life from an ‘opposite day’ or ‘Bizarro World’ perspective; or peppering my posts with photos that are entirely unrelated to the subject matter.
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No idea who to give credit for this photo, but an extra Twinkie to anyone who can find out so I can link back…

 

Nominees, in no particular order:

  1. Adventures of NinjaMama
  2. Another Piece of Cake
  3. Attracted to Shiny Things
  4. ComfyTown Chronicles
  5. Dysfunction Junction
  6. Little Bird’s Dad
  7. Mommy Man
  8. Mommy, For Real
  9. MomSoPolitan
  10. My Life As Lucille
  11. Old Dog New Tits
  12. Sometimes I Sleep
  13. The Honest Mommy
  14. YOU ARE A GOOD MAMA
  15. You’re My Favorite Today

Okay, you caught me, that’s totally in a particular order. Alphabetical, for those index-ly challenged.

Random Act of Kindness

This weekend, I heard about a family that was getting rid of their baby gear, so I asked If I could pass it on to a new family. I took a ride and loaded up the SUV. I was able to get the expecting parents a bouncy seat, swing, play mat, portable booster, compact stroller and an excersaucer. I threw in my Baby Bjorn that my ginormous baby outgrew before leaving the womb, and a sling carrier for good measure.

I know how grateful I am to the parents who have given me items that their babies used for such a short time, so it’s nice to be able to hook up others in the same boat. (Note: The dog pictured below was not part of the swag, he’s just big with the photobombs.)

stuff for new baby

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