The Peen-Us Mightier…

peen uss

You know those defining moments? The ones where you can pinpoint the exact time and place where you could have changed the course of events, if only you had done or said one thing different?

So we took my mom out to dinner for her birthday. It was me and the hubby, AJ (3), JC (14 months), Mimi and Papa. It was on the early side, seeing as we didn’t want strangers to have to witness the whole “adorable toddlers” to “ravenous wild animals” transformation that inevitably follows a delayed feeding.

In any case, the restaurant was on the quieter side, which made a lovely forum to display the three-year-old’s complete inability to modify the volume of his voice. The meal was coming to an end, the most eventful moment up to this point being the one-year-old’s display of apparent lack of taste buds…


Brings a whole new meaning to “Go suck a lemon”…

…when AJ declared to his grandmother in not-so-sotto voce,

AJ: Mimi, I have a peen-uss.


And like any inquisitive preschooler…

AJ: Do you have a peen-us?

Mimi: Noooo…

AJ: What do you have?

Mimi: (inaudible whisper in his ear)

AJ: Ohhhhhhhhhhh! Like Mommy!

And, because he believes in being thorough…

AJ: Papa, do you have a peen-us?

Me: (snickering behind a napkin)

Papa: Yehhhhssss…

AJ: DADDY! Do YOU have a PEEN-US!?!

Daddy: Yes, AJ.

Me: (snicker, snort)

And though the hostess, waitress, and other diners all seemed as more amused than offended, we drew the line (and very shortly thereafter, his drawstrings) as he grabbed for his waist and sang out…

AJ: Mimi, I’m a boy! I have a peen-us! Wanna see?

And the moral of the story is:

The next time a three-year-old follows you into the bathroom and asks, “Why you not stand up?” as you as you’re taking a leak, instead of answering with “Because I don’t have a penis,” keep in mind where that conversation may lead, and consider sticking with “Trust me kid, it’s just easier.”

Or maybe I should just say…

The “peen-us”: what a mighty word…


Posted on September 19, 2013, in Family, Humor, Musings, Parenting, Random, Toddlers. Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. Love that! My boys were 4 & 5 when we told them they were going to have a sibling. BoyZ (4) asked: Mom, are you going to poop it out like a giraffe?

  2. That’s awesome. Because, hey, pooping giraffes, see those every day. I guess, though, that’s the kind of thing that would really stick with you even if you only see it once…

  3. We have two girls, and they love to watch their dad go pee. One day, he couldn’t take the giggling, and said, “Boys pee. Girls pee. The rest is just plumbing differences.” And he’s never let them in the bathroom during ‘potty time’ again.
    Hump Day, hooker!

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