The Many Shades of TMI; Wrap-Up WE 4-13-13
Just as I thought the kids were getting better, we relapsed and ended up with ‘week of sick’. “Croupy and Poopy’ became ‘Flu-ey’ and ‘Boogie”, and bodily fluids were a’flyin. So on Sunday, we wasted $5 on a box of fake Pedialyte pops that the boy wanted nothing to do with. But the hubby had an interesting thought – how about adding a shot of vodka? I bet it would be great for stopping hangovers before they even start. The more I think about it, the more brilliant it seems. Million dollar idea! Who’s in?
For comic relief, AJ (almost 3yo) begged in his pathetic little sick voice to sit on daddy’s lap. It went something like this:
“Sit on Daddy’s whap?” (Climbs on.) “Bleeeeaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!”
The best part was, daddy’s ‘whap’ made a great vomit shield for the couch…A bath, a shower and a load of laundry later (once I was sure his belly was empty), we were back in position:
Monday was spent in a lack-a-sleepical haze. I should get the toddler this shirt:
What I do remember is that AJ turned from toddler to teenager in seconds flat when he told me the music was “Too loud. Make it louder.” And I had one of those moments. You know, that moment when you thought you knew exactly where the chair you were about to sit on was, but apparently you were half wrong?
The highlight of the day was when I discovered the 8 month got Cheerios through his one-piece jammies, through a onesie, through a diaper and under his junk. Because he’s magical, like a freaking unicorn.
- Buzz Lightyear’s knee is bent.
- I touched his foot with my foot.
- We wouldn’t let him splash in the toilet.
- I wouldn’t let him drown in this pond.
- We helped him put on the boots he loves to wear.
And the day ended on a positive note, when I announced to my hubby that after 2 sleepless nights due to sick kids…
Me: If I’m asleep and you hear them, it’s your turn.
Him: You know I don’t hear them and wake up.
Me: If I’m asleep, I accidentally kick you, and you hear them, it’s your turn.
Want to know how that night went? Let me give you a hint from Tuesday morning:
But the day got better after that. It was Max’s 4th birthday, and the furball celebrated by peeing on a bag of soil in the garage. And the excitement didn’t end there. The second we let him outside, he darted across the street to poop on the neighbor’s lawn, twice. I guess he just wasn’t getting the concept – birthday’s are for receiving gifts, not leaving gifts. But we love him anyway.
We were also celebrating Taco Bell Tuesday, when I suddenly got hiccups just in time to sound drunk at the drive thru.
And then I saw this gem, which pretty much defines life with a toddler:
On Wednesday, I posted on Facebook…
Today my son asked to watch Caillou, and seeing as I’ve never played it for him (with good reason), someone has some ‘splainin to do.
The phone rang shortly after that. It was my mom. She said “I’m calling to ‘splain…”
When we woke up on Thursday, AJ asked to watch Bubble Guppies, his newly discovered show. I replied, “You’re my Bubble Guppy!” and he said, “Mommy, I no Bubble Ducky, I a BIG BOY!”
I pondered a philosophical question later that morning:
Why is it that if my husband were to clip his toenails in bed, even on his side, I’d be totally grossed out. But I just clipped the toddler’s on my side and it doesn’t bother me at all.
My toddler has magic toenails.
And there was a moment of quiet. Shattered by the realization that my house wasn’t as child-proofed as I’d thought. I mean, really, you’d think the pictures and display shelves hanging on the wall 3 feet above the toddler’s head would be safe. You’d be wrong.
That night, the dog was sitting by the foot of the bed, and he kept farting then glancing at me. Not sure if he thought I was responsible, or just checking to see if I noticed…
The day ended with my heart melting. The toddler snuck into our bed way after bedtime. He’d been so sick all week, it was good to see him happy, so we told him he could stay for 5 minutes. So he cuddled between our legs, gave us both a hug and said, “Mommy. and Daddy, best friends” and gave us each another hug. O. M. G.
On Friday I posted Sharing vs. Oversharing: A Somewhat Visual ‘TMI’ Chart. To sum it up, tell me your funny poop stories, but don’t show me the evidence.
And on Saturday, we rested…until dinner time.
Me: I’ll go make a salad.
Him: What should I do with the baby?
Me: Teach him calculus.
Have a great week!