Monthly Archives: March 2013

Limp Fronds, Nemo Nuggets and Fun Toilets: My Week, Ending 3-30-13

Sunday was a busy day, so not much with the posting. But I did try to fix one of the…fronds?…on the jester cap which had gotten mangled by either the dog or the toddler. Can’t say for sure. I used all of the sewing skills I’ve acquired through the years (none) but the result looked like a perky hat that has one frond suffering from an unfortunate case of ED.

frond

On Monday, AJ (almost 3yo) ran around the kitchen calling the dog a ‘wuss’ repeatedly. Or maybe he was saying “Woof! Woof! Woof!”, but his pronunciation of the letter ‘F’ is still kind of ‘ruf’, so who knows…?

Started counting calories, because between Passover this week, and Easter next week, I’m afraid I’ll be pulling the maternity jeans that I just put in to storage back out, and that’s just not cool.

I celebrated the unseasonable snow-cast with a montage of scarves, which shouldn’t be necessary at this time of year, but were. Fricken’ spring snow…

Passover dinner was quite the event, involving Locusts, Lesbians & Excavators – just your typical traditional Passover…this is me representing the plague of locusts:

image

bunniesTuesday and Wednesday were spent with my insides recovering from the over-consumption of Matzah, and I pondered the meaning of a sign I had seen recently (pictured right):

What exactly is being advertised here? Every time I pass this sign, I want to call the number and ask them, “So are you looking for Easter Bunnies? Selling? Renting? Are we talking the live kind? Chocolate? People in bunny suits?”

On Thursday, I received a Best Moment Award, thank you Love Protection, and I composed a long, boring acceptance speech in which I recognized the little people, including  the SmurfsTinkerbell, and Dobby the house elf.

Friday, we had fish for dinner. I was worried the toddler wouldn’t eat it again, but I had an idea: if calling chick parmigiana ‘pizza chicken’ got the toddler to eat 2 servings, maybe we could think of a new name for ‘baked haddock. ‘Nemo nuggets‘ seemed wrong…but it worked surprisingly well – he ate his whole piece. Toddlers. Go Figure.

Then, I did what I swore I wouldn’t do. Well, maybe not so much ‘swore’…maybe just ‘figured’…I joined twitter. I can now be ‘followed’ at @TheirWorldWLI (hint, hint) but don’t feel obligated, now. I’ll just keep pestering you about it later anyway…

twit

On Saturday morning, I realized that the problem with coffee is that it doesn’t work until it’s in you. I discovered this when I was just talking to the hubby and reached for the baby bottle instead of the mug and nearly put it in my mouth.

And speaking of dumb crap I’ve done as a result of sleep deprivation, I’ve updated my list of ‘8 Things this Sleep Deprived Mother Has Actually Done‘ with another stellar mommy moment. Now it’s  ‘9 Things…’

Later, I told AJ it was time to get dressed, but this wasn’t exactly what I meant:

ajcw

And as the day progressed, I realized that Spring had brought with it both joys and massive aggravations, and compiled this list of the Friggin’ Signs of Spring, like dead mice in the AC compressor and asshat neighbors.

And ending the week on a happy note, my blog is now out there for the world to see, more and more each day. For instance, people are now finding me in their Google searches. Using terms like ‘ass.sleep‘ and ‘fun toilet‘. I couldn’t be more proud.

ass sleep

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How was your week?

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The Friggin’ Signs of Spring

You know, I was really looking forward to Spring, after the absurd amount of snow we got this winter.  The return of the sweetly chirping birds, the smell of fresh growth in the air, the warm sun on my skin. Then Spring arrived, and with it came…drum

1. The sound of ridiculously bad music blasting out of my neighbors windows and into mine. Just to give you an idea, think of a guy with a nasty twitch in his leg playing a bass drum in front of a megaphone at random intervals. Got it? Okay, that would be an improvement over what’s coming from next door. Asshats…

nair

2. The smell of about 3 quarts of Nair in the air. Ain’t no razor gonna clean up that mess. Lazy winter = Sasquatch spring…

asian-beetles
3. The goddamn ladybugs on every visible surface.Especially the one’s that fly at you in the dark when you get up to take a leak at 3AM. The sound is magnified to helicopter volume when you’re half awake and unable to see them. Incoming!!!

0527hazmat
4. The melting dog poops that you missed when they got covered up during the last 12 snowstorms. No pooper scooper on earth is gonna quite capture that sloppy stink of a mess. Get out the hazmat suit and the power washer.

mickey
5. The sound of the skittering feet in the AC compressor. Great, now we have the stink of dead mouse to look forward to when it gets hot. What a way to celebrate the new AC we got installed last September and haven’t yet used.

But it’s not all bad. Tomorrow is Easter, and who doesn’t love bunnies!

bunny aj bunnyjc

Best Moment Award

best-moment-award

Awarding the people who live in the moment,
The noble who write and capture the best in life,
The bold who reminded us what really mattered –
Savoring the experience of quality time.

RULES:

Winners re-post this completely with their acceptance speech. This could be written or video recorded.

Winners have the privilege of awarding the next awardees! The re-post should include a NEW set of people/blogs worthy of the award; and winners notify them the great news.

RESOURCES:

  • What makes a good acceptance speech?
    • Gratitude. Thank the people who helped you along the way
    • Humor. Keep us entertained and smiling
    • Inspiration. Make your story touch our lives
  • Get an idea from the great acceptance speeches, compiled inMomentMatters.com/Speech
  • Display the award’s badge on your blog/website, downloadable inMomentMatters.com/Award

ACCEPTANCE SPEECH

Thank you to Love Protection for granting me this honor! I would also like to thank the little people who have helped me along the way: the Smurfs, Tinkerbell, and Dobby the house elf.

I would also like to show my appreciation for the still small, but slightly larger people, AJ & JC, to whom I can credit the necessity of of this blog in the first place. Without them, I would not have half of the stories, nor most of the pictures with which I am able to draft my tales for your perusal. Or, in other words, they do all the funny crap. I’m just a witness with a keyboard.

I would also like to mention my wonderful husband, Tom, without whom I would have had a very hard time trying to reproduce…which would have led to lack of writing subjects… Not that it’s the only reason I keep him around. He also cooks.

The road has been long, but worthwhile; the Nutella fattening, but addictive; the yoga pants stretchy and forgiving; the vodka strong, but free flowing. And as I continue down this path of “Mommy! Mum! Mama! Mommy! Ma! I need you!”, I often think, “Where would I be if not for my family?” The answer: taking long baths, reading a book, peeing alone (click for a great book by some wonderful moms), taking a nap…

But it’s all worth it. My men are my life. Get your mind out of the gutter, I meant husband, kids and dog – all boys. Maybe I should get a she-cat or three to balance it out…except I’m terrified of cats…Oh yeah, they are my life, and I couldn’t ask for a better family.  I could ask for a better tasting diet chocolate, but that’s my own fault for eating so many jars of Nutella. That shit should really come with a warning.

And so I leave you with a thought from the late, great George Carlin:

The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, “You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.”

THE WINNERS OF THE BEST MOMENT AWARD ARE:

1. ComfyTown Chronicles

2. Mommy Needs a Martini

3. Pocketful of Joules

4. Baking In A Tornado

5. A Mother Life

Don’t forget to celebrate with your followers! Tweet your success with hashtag #MomentMatters.

Congratulations, winners!