Conspiracy Theories

No, not these angels, right?

No, not these angels, right?

Do you ever wonder what happens in the 90 seconds you’re out of the room and the toddler and baby are alone…together? Here’s a conversation I suspect happened yesterday:

Toddler: Okay, here’s how it will go. I’ll take the early shift. I’ll refuse to go to bed and scream that I need one more yogurt and there are noises in my ears. That should confuse and worry them just enough so that when I finally quiet down, it won’t occur to them to stop me from playing with legos. Then, every 15 minutes or so, I’ll smack the lego table with a toy hammer 32 times rapid-fire. When they come to take the hammer, I’ll be innocently sitting on my bed with a book. Once they leave, I’ll wait 12 minutes and start hammering again. I’ll keep this up until just after midnight.

Baby: Uh-huh…

Toddler: That’s where you come in. Give her about an hour, maybe an hour and a half, then start the “I won’t stop crying until you feed me” routine. Go for two-hour intervals. After the 5:30 interval, let’s give her 10 minutes. Just enough time to let her think she’s going to get another hour of sleep. Then, we’ll double-team her! Start screaming like your life depends on it.

Baby: I’m with ya…

Toddler: Once we’re both in her bed, dad will get up to go make coffee. By the time we’re downstairs, after dad lets her shower and get dressed, she’ll be ready to throw that whole “no TV” business right out the window. We’ll get to watch Mickey ALL DAY!

Do your kids conspire against you?

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Posted on January 25, 2013, in Humor, Parenting. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. I still do- even at 31,35 and 37!!

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