Bedtime Bingo, An Ode to Fellow Parents of Toddlers
In every home where a toddler resides,
Comes a time of day that churns parents’ insides.
We bathe them and jammy them after we sup,
But as this time draws near, we brace and buck up.
I hope you have strength left after your day,
If not, drink some coffee, or better yet, pray!
Soon you’ll hear cries of true desperation.
Get ready to pull out your hair in frustration.
“Need water! Want blankie! I’m hungry again!”
Before you start yelling, try counting to ten.
“Have boo boo! Need potty!” His screech could break glass.
“Get back into bed, or I’ll duct tape your ass!”
Though daddy tries helping, he still wants his mother,
Who’s threatening desertion if he wakes baby brother.
He cries, “Mommy sing song!”, cough, hiccup, sneeze.
So I go in and sing him the damned ABCs.
And as he winds down, after hours have passed,
You say to your husband, “Thank god, at last!
Finally, I’ll get a few hours in.”
Until, “Wahhhhhhhhh!” The baby’s hungry.
I can’t fucking win.
So just to keep cool, I’ve devised a plan.
To keep me from strangling my sweet little man.
A round of Bingo, based on his cries.
You can play, too, I’ll provide the supplies.
Since no two toddlers are ever the same,
Print the blank (below) to play your own game.
Each toddler is different, so should be the boards.
Use your kid’s favorite tactics to fill in the words.
The rules are simple: The toddler’s the ‘caller’.
Free spaces will come from the child who is smaller;
Since feeding and changing the baby are sure,
They’re like two free spaces. (You’ll wish there were more.)
Because you’re not finished ’til the board is complete,
So until that comes, don’t fuss with a seat;
Your body won’t thank you, especially your knees,
After sit-stand-repeat to attend to his pleas.
Good luck, good night, and fare thee well!
I’m off to go start tonight’s bedtime hell.
How would you fill in some of the squares?