Stay Puft, Baby

So, I guess I was wrong – JC, my 5.5 month old, does NOT weigh the same as your average 14 month old. That’s only if you’re looking at the chart for formula fed babies. Which he is not. On the chart for breastfed babies, he weighs the same as an average 18 month old.

Our pediatrician assures me that he’s healthy, just big. I disagree. I think of him more as super-sized. (Don’t tell him I said that. Don’t want the kid to get a complex, he’s only a baby.)

Let me share with you a partial list of things intended for 6-month-olds that he no longer fits in (or won’t within the next week, it seems): bassinet/Rock’n’Play Napper, clothes/socks (he wears 18 months), baby swings, some exersaucers and jumpers, Baby Bjorn, baby tub, Bundle Me, velcro swaddlers, receiving blankets, wrist rattles, bucket car seat ( well, he still sort of fits, but you try carrying it!), portable activity centers, baby scales at the doctor, my lap.

So what’s the “big” deal? Think of it this way: usually, a 24 pound child has the ability to sit up so you don’t have to support him; to crawl or walk so you don’t have to constantly carry him, to hold onto you when you do carry him so that you don’t need an extra arm to keep him from flopping around like a giant jello teddy bear. And though I sometimes feel guilty about not holding him as much as I’d like, I try to remind myself that the continued use of my back and knees is important.

Not that he seems to notice. The kid is the happiest baby you’ve ever seen. Actually, maybe second happiest. I know one other who used to be smiling at you from his exersaucer one second, and the next time you looked, happily asleep, exhausted from all the smiling, I would guess. Right, K?

So solutions and workarounds…I’ve thought about setting the dog up with a saddle, but based on Max’s reaction when AJ attempts to climb on for a ride, I’m thinking it probably would end badly. Then I thought, maybe baby roller skates and a harness/leash, but he can’t stand up yet. Hovercraft? Not in my price range…yet. Maybe, I thought, it would help to start wearing a weight lifter belt around the house, but I can’t find one chic enough to match my mommiform of fleece sweatshirts and blue jeans.

But, being the innovative type, I think I’ve finally come up with a solution. 4 words: helium filled body suit. I know, I know, genius, right? And hey, I’ve always liked the look of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man…



Any moms out there have a transportation solution for me?


Posted on January 7, 2013, in Humor, Parenting. Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

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