DUMB-ASS CHILDREN’S PRODUCTS, Part II: WTF, Fisher-Price?

imageIn my continuing quest to call out the people who seem to deliberately want to stunt our children’s intellectual growth, I bring to your attention the latest version of Fisher-Price’s See ‘N Say The Farmer Says. Do you remember having that as a kid? I do.

I remember the feel of putting my finger in the little white ring and pulling the string. I have to wonder if it was considered a choking hazard by today’s standards (at all of what, eight inches?), or maybe it wasn’t high tech enough; they replaced it with a lever that’s so stiff, it’s pretty much impossible to pull until you not only know what a cow says, but could probably spell it. Backwards. In pig latin.

I remember listening to those distinctive barnyard animal sounds and watching the seemingly magical string retract. Then I would pull it again, ad infinitum, until it was probably a testament to my parents’ fortitude that they weren’t driven to drink. Or start mooing.

They’ve updated those boring, realistic animal pictures too; now they have cute, cuddly, brightly colored, overly-rounded, cartoony pictures. Don’t want to be too realistic, might scare the children. It’s as bad as those flash cards; you know the ones I mean. Side A shows a picture of a rubber duckie, side B says “DUCK”. Side A shows a picture of a stuffed animal, side B says “DOG”. How freaking hard would it have been to find a picture of an actual duck and an actual dog?!?! We’re not talking endangered species here! But I digress…

Dd you know that since we were kids, they’ve even changed the animal lineup? Coyote is gone. Too many falls off a cliff, maybe? One too many anvils to the head? Bird is gone too. But now they have Mouse, Goat, Goose, Chick, Owl and Bunny. Let me repeat those, and as you read them, try to imagine their sounds. Really try to hear them in your head. Ready? Mouse…squeak squeak. Goat…naaaaaaaaaa. Goose…honk honk. Chick…peep peep. Owl…hooo hooooo. Bunny………………Sorry, let’s try that again. Bunny………….???

Yes folks, BUNNY. I’m ashamed to admit that it wasn’t until I had kids that I learned that, and this is a direct quote, “The bunny says BOING! BOING! BOING!” Okay, maybe not an exact quote. The word “boing” is more of an onomatopoeia or something. Whatever. Just think of a cartoon spring.

HOW DID THIS TOY MAKE IT TO THE SHELVES!?!? Did no one question this revision? Some man, woman or committee presented this to their boss. Some boss had to sign off on it! Didn’t he watch the PowerPoint presentation? “Here’s our next proposed addition, ‘Bunny’. They don’t really say much, so the sound experts came up with this great spring noise instead!” Wasn’t there a single voice of reason, one person along the way who said, “If they don’t say much, let’s put it on the chopping block.” The proposed change, not the bunny. That would be wrong.

I want my money back! No, I want my money and treble damages! I want Fisher-Price to find me a single bunny that says “boing” and if they do, i’ll eat…strike that. Listen folks, the education of our children is at stake here. Let’s start with the little things.

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What toys or children’s product do you regret exposing your children to?

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Posted on January 18, 2013, in Humor, Parenting, Rant. Bookmark the permalink. 11 Comments.

  1. I really just regret exposing them to any toy that I have to put a battery in. It’s just not necessary. I don’t see the benefit in those loud, annoying toys that play songs over and over and over and over.

    • I don’t like the loud annoying ones either. But i don’t mind the music, i like hearing him sing along, and i know kids learn through repetition…soi guess as long as he’s not learning to repeatedly sing the annoying songs in a loud voice :)

  2. Wow that is bad. I’ve always felt the elephant sound is too ambiguous. I love the Thai sound: bren Bren!

  3. Actually….Bunnies do make noise. I had a pet rabbit when I was a tween. I also had a pet ferret. I thought they should be friends….not really thinking of the ferret as a hunting animal. The ferret instantly went for the rabbit. You have never been truly disturbed until you have heard a bunny scream. The bunny lived through the encounter.

  4. yep I agree with you 100% Bunnies only go boing after you boil them in the pot!
    Thanks for hooking up at the Hump Day Hook Up

  5. What a terrible choice indeed! I prefer realistic pictures over cutesie pictures as well. Thanks for sharing. This post made me laugh.

  1. Pingback: A Liebster Award! For Me? You Shouldn’t Have. Gimme. | Their World We Live In

  2. Pingback: DUMB-ASS CHILDREN’S PRODUCTS, PART III: Look, Kids! Big, Big Dick! | Their World We Live In

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